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Freelance Panic Attack

2010 February 23
by Helen Keevy

I finally discovered a reason to consider applying to work frontline in the UK Border Agency: a panic attack button. I could have one.

A red shiny box with a large red button at my shaky fingertips for those moments when my faith slips out through the kitchen window.  When I’m left alone with my shallow breathing and wondering: “Why the hell did I ever think freelancing was a good idea?”

At the UKBA, each person reviewing visa applications behind their three-inches of shatterproof glass has one. A tempting fire-alarm red button just screaming to be pressed.

And they could’ve labelled it a ‘panic’ button, or an ‘emergency’ button, or an ‘attack’ button. But instead the button inscriber chose ‘PANIC ATTACK’.

My guess is he’s a freelancer.

Because let’s face it… sometimes all the online advice and motivational websites and virtual success stories that you can mine each day just don’t leave you feeling ready to take over the world. Some mornings, when work is slow, a panic attack button with your morning coffee would be just the thing.

What would happen when you press it? Who the hell knows. Hopefully a squad of riot police arrive to shield you from the doubts and potential debts. But I reckon not.

Even if I had one, chances are I’d never press it. I just want to know that I could. I just want a reminder that having a small panic attack is 100% normal. (There’s a button for it after all.) That it’ll pass.

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One Response
  1. Sara Star permalink
    March 1, 2010

    Does it make noise? Like “passing” gas? For this too shall pass, 100% real ingredients.

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